I’ve decided to coin the phrase emotional limbo.
I’ve been stuck in this place for a few days now. Unable to cry, unable to feel, unable to express. It’s a weird feeling for me because I am an emotional person. Emotional limbo always pertained to those who tried to rationalize whatever was going on around them. He hasn’t called because he’s so busy or she’s ignoring my calls because she’s upset so I’ll pretend to not care. I can’t do that.
I don’t want to be in emotional limbo.
When I was little, my parents would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always said “Happy.” I’m striving to be that. In my personal life, in my work life, in my life life, happy is all I want to be.
So while I sit in emotional limbo, a state of numbness and confusion, I will let the universe decide where I need to go. My mother always said that I was a water baby. “C, you always go with the flow of life. Don’t try to dictate or let someone decide what you should do, just let the universe decide.”
So… I’m letting it decide.